It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
