I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
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