Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Randomize
