He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
