You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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