I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
