My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
