So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
