just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
