Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
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he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
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Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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