those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Randomize
