It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
