gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
