We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
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