when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
