Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
This is my gift to your gina
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
