After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
smell my finger.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
