that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
