It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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