I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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