i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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