I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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