im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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