They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I am naked and annoyed.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
