go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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