Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
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