Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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