Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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