Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
