i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
