Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize