If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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