i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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