dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
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