so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
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I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
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