I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
