you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
