dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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