Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I can text with my tongue
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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