dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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