i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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