I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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