I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
