I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
