btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
You made out with two different species that night
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
