Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
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