Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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