I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
