woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Randomize
