Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
