The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
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Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
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I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
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