how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
