11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
