Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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