I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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