it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
