Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I'm sobbing to NWA
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
