It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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