ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
