i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
