A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
