I faked an abortion last night.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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