i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
