My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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