He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I have so many feelings about this burrito
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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