She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
