I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
My cat gives me a boner
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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