its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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