I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
