i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
