We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
