ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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