UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
