Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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