I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
